My victory is evidenced by my trophy slice of pie. Just a few minutes ago a large platter held stuffed hash browns (filled with sour cream, cheddar cheese, and chives), four slices of French toast with a dollop of butter and a cup of syrup, and four slices of bacon. The plate has been carried off by the wings of a waitress and in return, the question, “Would you like pie?” I’m a milkshake man. I do like pie, but I like milkshakes more. “It’s free tonight so if you’d like pie just let me know.” And so knowing my rightful duty as a human being of this earth, I accepted her gift with a smile. In place of my Oreo milkshake I got a free slice of Oreo cream pie. So good. So free.
This pie represents a change in me. This pie would once have been, rather than a trophy, a horrible reminder that I was unable to finish my dinner. But it’s not that I didn’t eat the food, I wasn’t sad that I wasted it; I was unable to eat it. I had no appetite. What little I did eat was forced, or liquid. The backseat of my Honda Civic was littered with upwards of 25 empty bottles of Odwalla protein shakes. In a plastic bag the haunted wrappers of many Odwalla “Super Protein” bars. These have been my diet for the past two months. Occasionally I could manage half of a regular person’s meal; on a good day. For the most part, meals which had once filled me with pleasure only filled me with the sudden urge to vomit. But today I came into Shari’s feeling different. Not only did I gulp down 10 pieces of gyoza from the teriyaki place a few hours before, I came into Shari’s and ordered that magnificent platter and in less than 6 minutes had filled my stomach with every visible piece of edible goodness that once rested there. And then I got pie.
The satisfaction I’ve received merely from the success of this meal is something not many know. To be proud of having eaten dinner. To be proud for functioning as a normal human being does. What a peculiar feeling, but rewarding as well. As if normalcy is less a sign of mediocrity and more an enlightened state. Not a single bite of food has been left here tonight. And for functioning more like a human being ought to, I am proud.